Guilt

The United States Postal Service

2012-03-07T09:04:00.000-08:00

I buy and sell stuff on eBay. It's fun, and there are still bargains to be found there. Not like in days gone by, but they can be found. I ship stuff using FedEx, UPS, and as you might guess by the title of this entry, the United States Postal Service. When little gems are delivered to me, they come by the same nice variety of shipping services. All is well.

Or maybe not.

UPS and FedEx can be counted on to make timely deliveries. So can the USPS. UPS and FedEx can be counted on to deliver undamaged packages. Here's what you get with USPS:

At least that's what I got today. What do you think the chances are that this damage was accidental?

The Adventures of Ted and Norman, Chapter 1

2012-03-05T19:24:00.001-08:00

When I was just a pup, my family decided to call me by my middle name--Norman. That's not all that unusual really. At least it wasn't in MY life. I had a same generation cousin who was a little older than me, and was named for the same ancestors I was--so his name was also James Norman, and everybody called him Jimmy. So, they called me Norman. I stayed Norman until I joined the Army in 1968. It was at that point of my life that I found out that there was little tolerance for being called by your middle name. So, I became Jim Young at that point, and have remained so. Never had an identity problem, always sort of knew where I stood in life and have pretty much always had self confidence, so whatever name I was called by was OK by me. I've had a number of nick names in my life including Worms and Ol' Forearm, and I was always OK with them (and others), but that's a story for another day. If I'd been called Jim to begin with, this would have been called The Adventures of Ted and Jim, and that just doesn't roll off the tongue that way Ted and Norman does.

When I was 4 or 5 years old I met Ted Tremayne. He lived in my neighborhood, and we became best friends. For life, as it turned out. We haven't seen much of one another in quite a while, but he's still one of my best friends (I actually accumulated a total of 4 best friends in my life, but that's also a story for another day). We correspond and remember one another on our birthdays. What we have, that no one can ever take from us, is our memories of our free and easy childhood, and this story is about the Space Radio and the Shit-A-Tit, integral parts of our young lives.

To pay the rent, my Dad worked in a lumber mill, but Ted's Dad owned a business.....a Television Repair Shop with a store front right on the Redwood Highway in East Windsor. We were given some old radio parts, and we stuck them together in such a way that when we turned it on, the tinny speaker let out some scratchy static. We determined that this was communications from afar, and that little device was our Space Radio. It's hard to say how many hours we concocted stories about who, exactly, and from where, these communications were coming, but we were pretty certain that it was from Space. No, we were absolutely certain. The truth is, when I was that young, radio was a complete mystery to me, especially the concept of a radio receiver in a car. Where did the radio voices come from? I finally figured out that they were people talking into the air and the radio somehow found these voices. When I rode in the car, I would talk out of the open car window so that people in OTHER cars could hear what I had to say.

Ted lived in an apartment that had been carved out of an old school. The sign in the front of his house proclaimed that the building was "Hannah House Movers", but it looked like the pictures of school houses that I saw in books. There was a dirt floor cellar, and in it was, among other things, an apple press where the owners of the building sometimes crushed apples. Ted and I got to watch, and sometimes get a drink of the juice. There was a huge piece of property affiliated with the building, and one piece of equipment that sat there permanently was an old flat bed semi-trailer with a wooden bed. We played on it all the time. When it was frosty on cold mornings, we would run on it and then slide like we were skating. Mostly, it was our ship--a boat that carried us to lands previously unknown, and we named it the nastiest name a couple of 5 year old could name it. This was the Shit-A Tit. Nastier words had never been spoken.

Baseball Wild Cards

2012-03-04T12:36:00.001-08:00

OK, Bud Selig decides in his infinite wisdom to add two more "Wild Card" teams to the baseball post-season. And he decides to move the Houston Astros from the National League to the American league (effective next year).

As it now stands, fully one third of the baseball teams will qualify for post-season play, and that's ridiculous. I didn't like the addition so-called "wild card" teams to begin with, and before that, I didn't like expanding the number of divisions from two to three, and before that I didn't care for having divisions at all. Carried to it's logical conclusion, Selig (or someone) will erase the concept of the National League and the American League altogether (after all, they've already erased the existance of American League and National League umpires) and subsequently create a crap-load of four team divisions of Major League Baseball. This will ensure that one quarter of the teams can claim to be "champions". Of course, then there will have to be the further addition of some sort of runner-up division losers added into the mix.

The regular season has become only a foot-note to the REAL season--the playoff season.

I'll still pay attention to baseball. It's part of my life, and always has been, but really................

Goddam Bud Selig.

Cassius

2012-03-04T07:20:00.003-08:00

My Bride wore out her old stand mixer, so I ran down to Sam's Club and bought her a new Kitchen Aid mixer. She's delighted. She calls it "Cassius", because, well, it's black, it's beautiful, and it can beat the hell out of Sonny Liston.

Alcohol

2012-02-29T06:10:00.000-08:00

Dear Ugly People,
You're welcome.
Sincerely,
Alcohol

MLB's Drug Policy

2012-02-29T06:07:00.002-08:00

I was a police detectivefor a while. I know about cases beingdismissed or lost based on a "technicality". What that means is that the accused personactually did what he was accused of, but the evidence of that misbehavior can'tbe used because 1) Someone made a mistake in handling or collecting theevidence of the behavior, or 2) A slick lawyer convinced a judge or other “fact-finder”that some public servant is corrupt.

Simple. He did it, but the evidence got tossed out.

That would be RyanBraun's situation with Major League Baseball.

I'm not certain that Milwaukee will want to keep thislemon, but he can probably get a job with the Red Sox, the Yankees, or thatgroup of thugs in Miami.

Fair Value

2012-02-28T08:28:00.000-08:00

I see that Matt Cain has yet to sign an extension with the Giants. He says, through his agents, that he wants "Fair Value". I'm not certain at all how many millions for how many decades that means. "Fair Value". Really?

I spent over 30 years of my life as a law enforcement officer, protecting, among others, your sorry ass, Matt. "Fair Value".

My pension is so measly that even at my ripe old age, I work full time to make ends meet. "Fair Value".

I still watch games every possible way, and since I'm what MLB considers an "out of market" fan, I have to annually purchase a subscription so that I can watch the games on MLB.TV. That subscription costs $120.00 a year. Sometimes that's hard for me to cough up, but I manage. "Fair Value".

Next time you use the term "Fair Value", consider what some of the folks who pay your wages have done with their lives.

"Fair Value".

The End of the Weather Chanel

2012-02-28T06:53:00.001-08:00

I get my local weather from a couple of sources--I normally review my Internet stuff, but still continually tune in to the Weather Channel on TV. But that's about to change.

The Weather Channel seems to now be a wholly owned subsidiary of NBC, and they're making no bones about it. Frequent breaks in the weather for updates on non weather related issues from CNBC, CNN, and MSNBC--Mindless original programming like "Ice Pilots". Ick. Trying without success to become the Today Show, lite version.

None of that, however is the cause of my departure. Here's the 411 from my corner--They have continually advertised "Your Local on the 8's" as the way to get local weather updates and forecasts. A pretty slick deal, actually. I wait for a clock time that ends with "8", like 5:08 PM, or 6:08 AM, then flip over to the Weather Channel, miss the idiocy of their programming, and get a forecast. Seems that of late, I tune in to the Weather Channel "On The Eights", just like they advertise, and am confronted with at least a minute of additional advertising. So, the weather forecast for my region actually starts on the NINES, or a little later.

Sorry, Weather Channel. We had a good run, but it's over. You have lied to me for the last time.

How To Watch Television, Chapter 2

2012-02-26T04:31:00.001-08:00

The television has a built-in tuner. I had not anticipated that my Bride would actually change the channels on the television. But, of course, she did.

I get home from work last night and sit down. The television is not on, despite a text message I had received from her earlier that pronounced victory in television watching--she had accessed the Internet content and Netflix. Hymns of praise were sung. Orations were delivered. Victory was at hand.

When I got home from work, though, she hands me the remote controls and says....."I want to watch TV".

"Oh" says I.

She had inadvertently changed the channel on the television (as opposed to the Cable Box, the Explorer 3100). When that channel is changed away from 3, the content from the Explorer 3100 (or the Toshiba CD/DVD/VHS player, for that matter) simply will not display. The Sony Streaming Player doesn't mind if the TV is on channel 3, channel Q, or channel Elephant.....it will still play. But the cable box REALLY wants the television to be on channel 3.

I'm really trying here. I know within reason that my Bride is too.

I'm pretty sure that this story is not yet finished.

How To Watch Television

2012-02-25T10:23:00.005-08:00

My Bride is technologically challenged. I just love that terminology--"Challenged"--What my Bride actually is can only be accurately termed "At Sea". If it's electronic, she has trouble with it. This would include wrist watches with batteries and AM only car radios. Interestingly, she seems to have no such liability when accessing the myriad of electronic devices affiliated with cooking. But, I digress.

Which brings us to today's informative study: How To Watch Television, a "How-To" guide by Jim Young for his Bride. We'll start with--

Definitions:

1. The Entertainment Center is the large wooden wall unit directly across from the sofa and recliner in the living room. It would seem to be a bookcase, but contains, rather than books, electronic devices and pre-recorded media such as DVDs, CDs, tapes, and the like.
2. The Toshiba Television is the large silver colored viewable device in the center of the Entertainment Center.
3. The Explorer 3100 is the cable box. It is black in color with a green time display. It is located beneath the Toshiba Television and to the far left, when viewed from the sofa or recliner.
4. The Sony Streaming Player is the small black box on the same shelf as, and just to the right of, the Explorer 3100.
5. The Toshiba CD/DVD/VHS player is the silver unit beneath the Toshiba Television situated on the shelf just to the right of the Explorer 3100 and the Sony Streaming Player.
6. The Remote Controls are small hand held devices with which one can control the aforementioned components from afar. Their purpose is to activate, de-activate, or otherwise "control" the aforementioned electronic devices. There is one Remote Control hand held device for each of the electronic components. These Remote Controls are located on the small table between the sofa and the recliner.

Devices:

The Toshiba 46" High Definition Wide Screen television is the centerpiece of the entertainment system and is centrally located within the Entertainment Center directly across the living room from the sofa and recliner. It has the capability of providing endless wasted hours of leisure. It is controlled by the largest of the Remote Controls, which is grey in color, and can be easily distinguished from it's brethren by looking at the reverse of this Remote Control and finding the inscription "TV" written in blue permanent marker. The Toshiba Television is the viewing and listening mechanism for all viewable and audio programming covered in this "How-To" guide.

The Explorer 3100 is located as previously described (refer to definitions, above). The Remote Control affiliated with the Explorer 3100 is black in color, and is the next largest of the Remote Controls. It is distinguishable from the others by looking for the inscription "Time Warner Cable" on the front of this Remote Control. This device is used to view cable television supplied by Time Warner Cable.

The Sony Streaming Player is, as previously mentioned, is a small black box (about the size of a hockey puck) located adjacent to the Explorer 3100. The Sony Streaming Player accesses Internet content, including our Netflix account and Amazon Instant Video, via our wireless home network and plays that content in high definition through the Toshiba Television. The Remote Control used for the Sony Streaming Player is the smallest of the four, and is easily identified by the wording "Sony Media Player" on the front of this Remote Control.

The final electronic device is the Toshiba CD/DVD/VHS player. It is the silver colored unit on the shelf to the right of the Explorer 3100 and the Sony Streaming Player. The Remote Control that is used for this device is small and black, and can easily be confused for the Remote Control for the Sony Streaming Player. It is, however, distinguishable by the wording "Toshiba SE-R1070 on the face of this Remote Control. This device is used to view pre-recorded VHS tapes and DVD disks, as well as listening to the pre-recorded content contained in audio Compact Disks. This unit will also access the content of a variety of other pre-recorded formats on Compact Disks.

And Finally, Watching Television:

The first thing to do when preparing to access the entertainment that flows through the Toshiba Television is to turn on the Toshiba Television and the Explorer 3100. The first Remote Control that should be used is the Black "Time Warner Cable" Remote Control. Point this Remote Control in the general direction of the Entertainment Center, and press the "Power" button (located on the face of this Remote Control at the upper right corner) once. The Explorer 3100 should turn on. You will know that it is activated when a green light comes on on the right side of the Explorer 3100. Near the same time, the Toshiba Television will also turn on. You will know that the Toshiba Television is turned on when a small red light located on the front of the Toshiba Television near the bottom left of the screen activates. If only one of the devices activates, you will have to MANUALLY turn on the other. This is accomplished as follows: If the Toshiba Television fails to activate, walk to the unit, and push the "Power" button near the lower left once. If the Explorer 3100 fails to activate, walk to the unit and push the "Power" button on that unit once. It is located on the right side of the Explorer 3100.

Now that the Toshiba Television and the Explorer 3100 are powered up, you must choose which programming source (the Explorer 3100, the Sony Streaming Player, or the Toshiba CD/DVD/VHS Player) whose content you with to view. In order to select one you will need the Remote Control affiliated with the Toshiba Television (grey in color, marked with the inscription "TV" on the rear) follow these steps:
1. Make sure that the slide control on the left side of this Remote Control is at the "TV" setting by sliding it upward to its furthest limit.
2. Push the "TV/VIDEO" button located on the upper left of the face of this Remote Control once. This will provide you with an "on-screen" menu with numbers.
Push "0" to access the content supplied by the Explorer 3100 (cable TV programming).
Push "4" to access content supplied by the Sony Streaming Player (Internet content, Netflix, Amazon Instant Video, and much, much more). Note that if this choice is made, you must activate this device by pushing the green button on the upper right portion of the face of the Remote Control affiliated with the Sony Streaming Player. You will know it is on by looking at the small black box and seeing a blue line light up on the face of the device.
Push "7" to access content from the Toshiba CD/DVD/VHS player. As above, make sure that this device has been powered on by pushing the red button on the face of the Remote Control at the upper right corner.
3. When you want to change the source of the programming, push the "TV/VIDEO" button once again and make a new selection.

The next "How-To" guide will incorporate the methods of navigating the myriad of choices on the Sony Streaming Player and the manner of selecting different media inserted into the Toshiba CD/DVD/VHS player.

In furtherance of harmony at home, and peace in the valley, there will also be a future "How-To" guide on using the 70's and 80's stereo gear housed in the Entertainment Center.

Local News

2012-02-22T06:21:00.000-08:00

Here in my little corner of the Rust Belt, we have local news. OK, everybody has local news, and I'm certain to some degree that it always gets a little, um, predictable. One of our repetitive news stories is the "We're taking back our streets from the gangsters" line.

Of course, what brings this up for me again is that it was on the news this morning. Seems the good citizens of Warren are going to "come together" (I really LOVE that term), form up some vigilante posses--Sorry, I mean Neighborhood Watch groups, and....Well, they had a meeting that was attended by all the usual groups, including the churches and schools. A representative of the police was there. I suppose there will be further speeches, maybe a sing-along, and a parade. Dandy.

If you'll bear with me briefly, I know haw to fix the problem--whether it happens to be Warren, Youngstown, or any other town. It's simple. Here's it is:

Catch and incarcerate the criminals. Let the police do their duty without interference.

That's it. There are no problems here that we cannot incarcerate our way out of.

Captain Kirk

2012-02-20T07:08:00.000-08:00

I couldn't sleep last night (muscle aches, it would seem), so I turned on the TV and watched the 2009 version of Star Trek on channel FX (I really do have some trouble with "naming" TV channels--I'd much rather just have numbers)--It was originally billed something like "Not your father's Star Trek" as I recall, and I have seen it before. Good movie, good story. I understand that the actors have all been contracted for two sequels, and that one is planned for release next year. Good news abounds. Star Trek lives.

Star Trek originally aired in 1966, when I was a Junior in high school. I didn't watch it then--I can't remember watching any TV at all in those years. I was just too busy--A typical day went like this--Up at 6 or 6:30 AM, drove myself to school in my own car, attended my classes, went to football practice, band practice, or track practice, then immediately went to work until midnight at the Shell gas station where I was nearly full time employed--I had a girlfriend too, and I worked in other stuff like the County Fair, drinking beer, playing bass guitar in a garage band, belonging to a car club.....I was a busy boy, and had lots of fun. But there was no time for TV. No desire, for that matter. Within a year of graduating from high school, I was in the Army (a volunteer, not drafted), and was there until December of 1971--Still not a TV watcher, though--too much other stuff to do--

When I got out of the Army and became a home-owner, I was a member of the local Sheriff's Office, and worked nights. At that point, I had some free time. I bought a B&W TV set and discovered, in syndication, Star Trek. Within a short period of time, I bought a color TV--specifically for Star Trek. I've watched all the Star Trek versions on TV and at the movies. I like all of it, but for my money, there's only been one true Captain of the Enterprise, and that's James T. Kirk.

Star Trek caused my entry into higher priced electronics. 'Course, this caused me to think about electronics in general. In the 60's, the highest technology that I was a user of was the AM radio in my car. I was looking around at all the devices and electronic appliances in the house, and it's amazing. Telephones that show live baseball games. That alone might say it all. Wireless Internet on the televisions. Facebook.

A few years ago I saw a History Channel presentation titled "How William Shatner Changed The World"--two hours of the original Captain Kirk narrating technological breakthroughs based on Star Trek technology. Good stuff. All true, too.

President's Day

2012-02-20T04:53:00.000-08:00

Big deal holiday here. However, I work in private industry, and it's not a holiday for me. I work tonight as a driving instructor. My hope is that the kids I get to drive tonight are confident buy not cocky. Always a good hope.

Nope, don't even get extra pay for the holiday. President's day. Yeah, I know--honor the office if not the man. That said--

On President's Day, Obama steps out of the White House and, if he sees his shadow...............

Six more weeks of unemployment.

Crisis

2012-02-19T03:56:00.001-08:00

I have a pierced ear—on the left lobe, thank you verymuch. Not really that big a deal, andit’s been that way for about 20 years. But I haven’t worn anything in it for, well, probably 5 years.

As a result, no one at my current place of employment knowsthat I have said piercing.

So I tripped across my earring box a couple of days ago andput in an earring. One of my co-workersnoticed, and said something. What shesaid was “mid-life crisis?”

And all I could say was, “Yep—about 20 years ago.”

I wonder if actually wearing an earring now would qualify asa late life crisis. I just don’t feelvery much in crisis. Don’t feel latelife either.

Maybe I should just go get some de-caf and egg-beatersand think about it.

Woody and Buzz

2012-02-17T04:45:00.000-08:00

The Syndrome

2012-02-14T10:20:00.001-08:00

"Doc, I can't stopsinging 'The green, green grass of home'.
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."

Aim High

2012-02-14T10:07:00.001-08:00

Bumper Sticker

2012-02-13T10:47:00.001-08:00

Good Guys

2012-02-12T09:41:00.001-08:00

I was disappointed when "The Good Guys" was canceled after one season in 2010 by Fox. 'Course, Fox has done in some other dandy programs that left me wanting more, like Brimstone, John Doe, and two X-Files spin offs: Millennium and The Lone Gunmen. By the same token, Fox finally (after 50-some episodes) canceled that crap-fest Arrested Development, so at least they sometimes get it right. But, I'm writing today about The Good Guys.

TGG ran for a single season, and I loved every minute--Dan was a left-over 80's detective in Dallas, and I identify with him--his wardrobe could have come out of my closet. Jack is his young upwardly-mobile partner. Good Guys in every possible way. The writers peppered the sound-track with appropriate old rock and roll. It was magnificent.

In the pilot, here's what really turned me on--During the final car chase and shoot-out, our heroes are driving a Firebird with T-Tops chasing a bad guy and a hostage, while two assassins are having a standoff in another location--the background music was AC DC's Thunderstruck. Perfect. When the Good Guys have won, and the hostage is saved, Dan gets the girl, and that's just the way it ought to be.

The rest of the first season was similarly exciting and appropriate, and in the final episode the background music, once again appropriate, is AC DC--the final selection being For Those About To Rock, We Salute You.

I liked it enough to get onto my Amazon account and purchase the entire run. This is the best that television will ever be. It will never again be quite this good. Ever.

At least until the next Great Thing comes along.

A Waste

2012-02-12T05:01:00.001-08:00

I read that Whitney Houston was found dead in her Beverly Hills hotel room (at age 48) on the eve of the Grammy Awards TV show. I wonder what (or who--sorry, it's my nature) killed her. OK, you caught me--I don't wonder. I have some clues based entirely on her history and bizarre behavior. I can draw a reasoned conclusion.

None of that alters the fact that her performance with Kevin Costner in "The Bodyguard" and her rendition of "I Will Always Love You" in that movie knocked my socks off. Still does.

What a waste.

Action News

2012-02-10T15:27:00.000-08:00

At least a couple of times a week, I watch the "19 Action News" out of Cleveland--that would be Ohio. It's tabloid style with a heavy dose of Exposing Evil. Lots of fun.

You get accurate weather and Cleveland sports (that's REAL pain no matter what season). A garden variety medium level story tonight was about the Powerball Jackpot which seems to now be well into the Gazillions of Rubles. The main thrust of the story was that you can go to a variety of websites and they will supply you with lucky numbers.

State Lottery Defined: An extra tax on those who are bad at math.

----------------------------------------

Sign on Obama's desk in the Oval Office: "The Buck Starts Here".

Netflix via the Sony SMP-N200

2012-02-09T14:17:00.000-08:00

Then, visualized on my aging Toshiba wide-screen HD but not nearly state-of-the-art television for a paltry $7.99 a month:

WOWZER BATMAN!!!!! YIKES!!!!!

Behind the Curve

2012-02-09T05:29:00.000-08:00

The very concept of Internet content streaming across my little wireless home network onto my television is, well, stunning isn't quite the right word, but it seems close.

I bought a Sony streaming player for one of the TV's and set it up. Found some interesting free stuff, and then got myself a subscription to Netflix. I never had Netflix before yesterday, but I'm sold. I guess my days of going down to the locally owned video store are just about finished. Television content delivered by the cable company might be the next thing that goes away. 'Course, I'll have to keep the cable for the high speed Internet. Oh, and the phones.

I know that I'm behind the curve on this stuff, but I'll catch up.

The Nettalk Duo Telephone Device

2012-02-07T07:49:00.000-08:00

Just a brief comment here—I recently added a second phoneline here at the house with the addition of a device called “Nettalk Duo”. Looked like an altogether better device thanthe “Magic Jack”—truth be told, they have similar capabilities these days, butI just couldn’t live with a “magic” device. The name “Magic Jack” sounds like infomercials and virus-laden softwarewhile “Nettalk Duo” brings to mind quality engineering.

The Nettalk Duo is available at nettalk.com. That’s where I got mine, anyhow. The price is $49.95 including the first year fee of $29.95 (that’s$2.50 a month, campers) which includes unlimited local and domestic longdistance. These things are availablefrom vendors on eBay and Amazon, but they cost more—go figure.

It hooked up easily and quickly into my Linksys Grouter. Works like a—get this—telephone. Whaddya know.

So far, I have no complaints. Good job, Nettalk Duo.

Arts and Entertainment

2012-02-07T06:49:00.000-08:00

I've never been one of the "Soprano" audience. Had no attraction for me. Maybe I was a cop for too long and saw too much of that stuff in my real life. Or maybe I just found it distasteful that a drama/sitcom/whatever was written to elicit sympathy for a mob family. I just never bothered.

I belong to a dandy gymnasium these days. I've been a member of many in the past, but this one is great--It's Planet Fitness in Boardman, Ohio. Clean, nice people, open 24 hours a day, and it only costs 10 bucks a month. Lots of treadmills and stationery bicycles and other stuff--and a bank of televisions that you can watch. They seem to show pretty much everything on their 20 or 30 TV's.

So I'm jogging on one of the treadmills last week, watching Fox News and ESPN--not a bad combo actually, when my attention was grabbed by a television on my right. It was that large framed goombah who is, I suppose, the head of the Soprano family. He was garroting some other guy to death with a wire. Graphically. With close ups. It took some time. It was bloody. It was gruesome. It was on the Arts & Entertainment channel.

So, here's my question: Was that nasty crap part of the "Arts", or was it part of the "Entertainment"?

I just think that A&E could have used better judgement.

Super Bowl 46

2012-02-06T06:56:00.000-08:00

The business of Roman Numerals for the Super Bowl has lost all meaning for me. Lets all just agree right now to use Arabic, OK? Or write our the words in English. If everyone insists that it needs to be difficult to understand, then lets all agree to change the method regularly, OK? A rotation, if you like.....Here's my plan--use these, changing the method for each and every Super Bowl:

Say what you want. I like the Babylonian.

Color Chart for Boys and Girls

2012-02-06T06:30:00.001-08:00

The Best U.S. President Ever

2012-02-05T06:41:00.000-08:00

I was watching a movie the other night. Air Force One. You remember. The one where President Harrison Ford personally kicks the collective asses of a bunch of Russian miscreants and saves the free world. Quite a story, and it depicts the second best President in the history of these United States.

The third best President in the history of the U.S. was President Morgan Freeman when he single-handedly prevents the United States from imploding while we were awaiting annihilation by a comet in Deep Impact. A genuine leader if ever there was one.

Best President ever? Thought you might never ask. Bill Pullman. Independence Day. He deploys himself into a fighter jet to go mano-a-mano with space aliens and saves the Earth from a very bad end. I saw that movie at a theater in Sacramento, California on it's opening weekend. Waited in line and sat in a packed auditorium. When President Bill Pullman gave his "Independence Day" speech just prior to going into battle against those aliens, the assemblage in the theater arose (as one) and gave him a standing ovation. What a great feeling.

So, there you have it. The three greatest United States Presidents in the history of the country.

Say what? They were just CHARACTERS IN MOVIES?????

Nonsense. I wrote in Bill Pullman for president in the very next election, and might just do so again.

This Explains So Much

2012-02-03T04:53:00.000-08:00

The Trouble With Being President

2012-02-03T04:51:00.001-08:00

As theoutgoing president was leaving office, he told the incoming president thatthere were three envelopes in the lower drawer of the desk in the Oval Office."I prepared those three envelopes for you. When you get into trouble,remember those envelopes."

Afterabout six months the new president got into trouble with Congress. Heremembered the envelopes, and opened the first one. It read: "Blame it onthe previous administration." So he did, and the problems went away.

A yearlater the new president faced a major crisis. He once again remembered theenvelopes. He opened the second one. It read: "Blame it on the previouspresident." He denounced his predecessor and blamed the current crisis onthe previous president. Once again, his problems went away.

Thenwhen we was running for his second term, the president once again found himselfin trouble and wondered if he might be defeated at the polls. He remembered theenvelopes. He opened the third envelope, and it read: "Prepare threeenvelopes”.

A Real Woman

2012-01-31T04:24:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine sent me this. I laughed 'til I cried.

A real woman is a man's best friend.

She will never stand him up and never let him down.

She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comforthim after a bad day.

She will inspire him to do things he never thought hecould do--live without fear and forget regret.

She will enable him to express his deepest emotions andgive in to his most intimate desires.

She will make sure he always feels as though he's themost handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident,sexy, seductive and invincible...

No wait...Sorry.

I'm thinking of whiskey. It's whiskey that does all that.

Never mind.

The Boys of Summer

2012-01-28T10:38:00.001-08:00

The very idea that Bud Selig is the brain-trust of majorleague baseball is loathsome. Thiswould be the very same guy who had an all-star game end in a tie. Whatta moron.

Here’s the latest: According to Yahoo Sports, Selig has decided that, by 2013 at thelatest, and probably this year, each league will have not just one, but two(count ‘en two) wild card teams. They can both come from the same division, the way I read it.

Look, it’s awful enough that a team can fail to win theirdivision, and still make the playoffs. So we now have the situation where, if your team is in the AmericanLeague West (a 4 team division), your team can finish the regular season nextto last, and still win the World Series. Brother.

I understand that having more teams in the playoffstranslates to more sales of merchandise and such. I really do understand. But this whole wild card concept is terrible. Why not just make a whole bunch of 4 team (or 3 team, for thatmatter) divisions so that a quarter (or a third) of the teams can callthemselves champions, then have an extended playoff season—a “second” season,like basketball and hockey—and be done with it.

The way I understand the new playoff business for MLB, thetwo wild card teams will play a single elimination game, then the playoffs willproceed as now happens. Except there’sno shortening of the regular season. This will add at least 3 days to the season, and the World Series mightnot conclude until the week before Thanksgiving.

There’s so much wrong with this…..I just don’t like it. Baseball is supposed to be a Summersport. Summer.

At least our local minor league affiliate (the “A”club of the Cleveland Indians—the Scrappers of the of the NY-Penn League) has ashort schedule and ends before it snows.

Kingdom of the Spiders

2012-01-27T09:46:00.001-08:00

I used to like the Independent Film Channel. That was back when they used to showindependent films without commercial interruption. You know. Movies. Pretty cool idea.

Then they started showing commercials. And old TV in “mini-marathon” style. It started with that crap-fest calledArrested Development. That would be alowlight. They also have Malcolm in theMiddle, which, for this channel the way it’s currently constituted, would be ahighlight.

Now it seems that they’ve ventured into original programmingin sort of a narrow-casting mode. I’mnot certain whom they consider their target audience for this junk is, but it’snot me. They have frequent commercialbreaks touting two programs called “Portlandia” and “The Increasingly PoorDecisions of Todd Margaret”.

Just based on the ads for these programs, I’ll skipthem. Looks to be along the lines ofThe Kids in the Hall, which was also a geek-fest of monstrous proportions.

So, good luck on your adventure, IFC. I’ll continue to tune in for some of themovies, even with commercial interruption—recently you had a film from 1977starring William Shatner called “Kingdom of the Spiders” which was fun. Captain Kirk as a rural veterinarian. Hard to get better than that.

More Stuff That Makes Me Wince

2012-01-27T08:54:00.001-08:00

Let me set the scene—I’m in the Man-Cave (that’s the basementto the uninitiated). I’m on mystationery bicycle watching Drew Carey and The Price Is Right. To my immediate left is my tomcat, Quigley,sleeping on the sofa, and to his immediate left is an aquarium containing someidling tropicals.

This is a good scene.

Then comes the commercial break—it’s an ad for the SwifterDuster. The background music is—this ishard to relate—The Beach Boys singing “I Get Around”. I suppose they might have used “Spirit Of America” if only theSwifter had been made in America.

How many ways can you spell “ick”.

Rabbits in Hats

2012-01-25T04:52:00.000-08:00

OK, then. Lincecumsigned a 2-year deal with the Giants that exceed 40 million total Americandollars. What with inflation and all, Iguess that’s a bargain. Don’t get mewrong—I’m glad that he’s been signed, and that he’s part of the organization. Again. It’s just…..well…..you know…..we’ll have to go through this tortureagain next year.

So, let’s get on with it. See if the Giants can pull another rabbit outta their hat.

The Off Season

2012-01-24T05:18:00.001-08:00

Being a fan of the San Francisco Giants is a bit of astruggle at times. We (that would be“the fans”) are still in sort of an afterglow of the recent World Seriestitle. We still think that the Giantscan win another one. At least I thinkthat way.

I actually live closer to Cleveland than San Francisco, so Ialso root for the home boys in Cleveland every year—in hopes of a re-matchbetween Cleveland and Ess Eff in the Fall Classic.

But San Francisco is my team. This off-season has been interesting. The Gigantes have managed to sign many of the core players neededto score a handful of runs on some days to assist the stellar pitching that theG’s have amassed. Problem is asfollows: the Giants don’t have thepayroll ability to hold onto the pitching staff. Period. I see no way theycan keep both Matt Cain (the other white Matt) and Tim Lincecum. So, they offered Lincecum a five year 100million dollar contract, and he declined.

Yes—he declined to bite on 20 million a year for 5years. Really. That says to me that he doesn’t want to playfor the Giants. And, frankly, that’s OKby me. He can take his skater-boy punkact somewhere else for all I care, but he does belong to the Giants THIS year,Bucky, so here’s my suggestion: Pitchthat little boy every third day all year. Wear him out. Let him go to freeagency as a has-been on the DL.

And that’s the way I see it.

Liquor and Tobacco

2012-01-20T05:58:00.000-08:00

My Bride was sick for a short period of time, and, as aresult, was at home watching what passes for television entertainment duringthe daytime hours. No, no, she’s finenow, thank you all the same. It wasjust a little cold that knocked the stuffing out of her for a bit.

She’s not quite the TV addict that I am, so she wasoverwhelmed by the pervasive, aggressive, ubiquitous marketing of prescriptionmedicine, medical appliances, over the counter medicine, and a spate ofambulance chasers at the ready to sue if things don’t go quite right. Insurance companies seem to have plenty ofmoney to advertise too. Odd. Since they’re on our side and all.

I’m not altogether certain that we’re better off now thanback in the days when big tobacco, big liquor, and Detroit paid the freight andran the commercials.

My advice? Glad youasked:

-Make it illegal for lawyers to advertise

-Make it illegal to advertise prescription-only medicines

-Require insurance ads to begin with at least 30 seconds oftheir net worth and the average income of their agents

-Technical schools will be mandated to offer employmentrates and starting salaries of their graduates as a major part of their ads

It’s unlikely that tobacco and liquor will re-take thehelm here. I’m sort of vice-free these days;having quit tobacco and liquor altogether years ago, but maybe some NEW vicecan take over. I’m thinking legalmarijuana or maybe high capacity firearms here. Anything would be preferable to the lawsuit-ready mouthpieces andcatheter ads. Anything.

Tortured Language

2012-01-18T06:18:00.000-08:00

Don't get me wrong here--I'm all for English being a "living language" and all that happy horse-stuff, but.....

Here's the deal--I belong to a number of organizations, one of which is the Fraternal Order of Police. A perfectly fine group if ever there was one, but they have seized upon a new term that attempts to describe an Interned based seminar (Police training groups have always been in love with the idea of a "seminar" as a way of describing a training class).

So I get regular e-mails from the aforementioned Fraternal Order of Police inviting me to attend a--and believe me, I can barely get this out--"webinar". A webinar. If that ain't a tortured piece of language there never was one.

If they had checked with me first, I would have suggested "e-training", or "Internet Classroom", or just about anything that didn't add up to "webinar".

It's embarrassing.

Friday the Thirteenth

2012-01-13T11:04:00.001-08:00

It’s Friday the 13^th. Special day with special meanings for special people.

And that’s all I have to say about that.

We're Doomed

2012-01-13T11:01:00.001-08:00

I admit to a weakness for Joel McHale and The Soup on the“E” channel. I cannot manage to call ita network, although I’m certain that they think of themselves as such. I consider The Soup a guilty pleasure. Plus, of course, fun is poked at all sortsof stuff that need poked.

Today Joel picked on a TV program devoted totaxidermy—stuffing your dead pet to continue to love it. Oh. This along with the programming devoted to vampires, ghosts, findingbigfoot…..

If the target audience for this drivel is anyone over theage of 13, the country is doomed. I’mbuying extra ammunition for the inevitable time when the viewers of this stufftake control of the country.

Or, maybe they already have.

You Need Me

2012-01-12T06:20:00.000-08:00

This morning I watched about 15 minutes of the Today show onNBC—why I do this to myself is anybody’s guess, but, what with Katie Kouracgone, it seemed harmless enough. What Ifailed to remember is that Matt Lauer isn’t gone yet. His lead story was about a video that has surfaced that seems toshow some of our Marines urinating on the dead bodies of some of the Afghanistanenemy. “Seems” might be a little lighthere—we know what’s going on.

So, the esteemed Mr. Lauer’s comments are, more or less, asfollows: Shocking video, Shocking, Isay (with all gravity)—Heads will roll—etceteras. OK, that’s all of it that I saw. Matt—you lead a sheltered life, don’t you.

Until you’ve actually worn a uniform and beena gunfight on behalf of people who hate the very thought of your existence, youhaven’t earned the right to comment. Can’t actually say Where In The World Matt Lauer is, but with some certainty,I can say that wherever he is, he’s suffering from a permanent rectal-cranialinversion.

In other words, in movie talk (something you mightactually understand), "You want me on that wall—You NEED me on that wall."

Can’t quite wait for your retirement.

Smoking

2012-01-04T04:30:00.001-08:00

I see that there’s lots of “stop smoking” advise on the weband TV and papers and…..Why is that? New Year Resolutions? Nothingelse to talk about?

Regardless of the reason, if you’re smoking, it’s a goodidea to stop. Here’s my suggestion:

If you see that you’re smoking, douse yourself with waterwherever you see flames. If you’restill smoldering after that, do it again.

That ought to do the trick.

You’re welcome.

The Autumn Follies

2011-11-22T05:36:00.001-08:00

Here’s the basic way it went: I was out of town for a couple of weeks in Colorado (a story foranother day there, but it was a fun trip). While I was gone, my Bride decidedto surprise me by having the Autumn leaves removed from the front yard so thatI wouldn’t have to rake and bag them this year—Truth is, we have almost an acreof the woods here in the Mill Creek area of Youngstown, and I routinely producea couple of hundred yard bags of leaves every Autumn. I really don’t mind, and it’s fun when we do it together, butstill, it’s a chore.

We’ve tried hiring this job done, or partially done, in thepast—never quite to my satisfaction though. Too expensive, and the companies and individuals who have done the jobin the past have complained about it while doing it. I recall offering one young man some water while he was pickingup the leaves, and he declined, asking if we didn’t have any soda or teainstead. Had a full grown man withmanly equipment once who bitched incessantly about the leaves in our ivy. And so it goes.

So the yard next door was having its leaves removed by aman who my Bride observed to be careful and thorough. He was a full grown man with real power equipment, and when hewas closing in on the property line, he made it a point to be sure that myBride knew that he was being careful to not blow leaves onto our driveway. My Bride, being completely impressed by hisdemeanor, asked him how much it was cost to remove the leaves from our drivewayand front yard. He replied that it wouldbe a hundred dollars, and that would include the driveway back to our fence andthe front yard. He said that theflowerbeds weren’t included, and the deal was made. My Bride paid the man in advance with a check, got a contractfrom the man, and then left for work.

When she returned home from work, the leaves from ourdriveway had been blown INTO the flowerbeds and against the garage doors andback door waist deep. A far cry fromthe deal that had previously been struck. So the very next day she called the man and was told that the situationwould be rectified right away. Caseclosed, right? Not so fast,Heathcliff. He never showed. And didn’t call back. When I came home from Colorado, I wasinformed of the situation. The leaveshad not been touched and remained as they had been when they were blown fromthe driveway into the side of the house, the side of the garage, and theflowerbeds.

So I took a look at the mess and telephoned the man, leavinghim a brief message, and asked him to return my call “at his earliestconvenience” so that we could discuss and rectify this problem. My solution was for him to return andcomplete the job that he had agreed to do, and had already been paid for. But, he didn’t return my call.

Bright and early the very next morning, I called him again,and he answered my call. I identifiedmyself and asked him if he had gotten my message, he replied that he indeed hadlistened to my message but had no intent of returning my call. He added that we had gotten more than ourmoney’s worth already, and that he’d been out to look at the house (news tome!) and had determined that everything was OK, and further, that there’s nopleasing some people—As the verbal exchange continued, I kept insisting that hehad not completed his job, and that I had his written contract to back up myclaim. His position was that I neededto pay him yet more money to complete the job. I added that there areconsequences for actions, and consequences for failure to perform, but myargument fell on deaf ears. He againinsisted that he needed to be paid for further services. To conclude the call, I informed him that,as my dear old departed Dad would say, “That’ll be the fuckin’ day”.

I went ahead and cleaned up the leaves, bagging 20 or sobags of leaves from the area. It lookspretty good now. I took pictures,before and after, and may put them on this blog.

My thoughts on this issue are as follows:

1) Any full grown man who’s making a living by essentially rakingleaves (a job more attuned to a 13 year old trying to make ice cream and moviemoney) should be viewed with suspicion. Maybe this guy shovels drives after it snows too.

2) I’ll be raking my own leaves for as long as I’m physicallycapable. By then my grand-kids ought tobe old enough to help.

Here’s the poop on a company to never hire for leaf removalif you live in my area:

Presidential Lawncare, 330-766-9331, 52 Howard Ave.,Austintown, Ohio, owned and operated by Kenneth Koby.

Occupy This

2011-11-14T07:02:00.001-08:00

From what I’ve seen, even the spokes-beings for the occupymovement (is it really a movement?) are unwashed, unshaven, and from allappearances unemployed. I have no ideawhat they’re occupying for or against. They don’t seem to know either. They block access to public facilities as if it is their right to doso. I guess crapping wherever they wantis also their right.

I’m pretty certain that the violence is part of thedeal. I don’t really care that theaforementioned spokes-beings say that the violence isn’t their fault (I’veheard them say that it’s the police who are responsible, or fringe groups whoare out of control—whatever) but it most assuredly is their responsibility.

As long as their anti-social and assaultive violent behavioris focused against one another, it would be hard for me to care less about it,but now they’re managed to hospitalize a Denver Police Officer and a ColoradoState Trooper. Enough.

Regarding the occupiers needs, wants, demands, ordesires—you have no idea how little I care. It’s time to turn on the fire hoses and end this.

Right after this gets done, let’s build a real fence at ourSouthern border, complete with border guards in towers armed with fullyautomatic weapons and end that little issue too.

As I get older, I just get more narrow minded aboutsome stuff. Make me King and I’ll fixthis.

Travel Light

2011-10-30T04:28:00.000-07:00

I’m headed off on an adventure on the third ofNovember. But, I’m an adventuresomesort. I’ll be headed to Colorado tovisit my daughter Helen, her husband Geoff, and their four girls for a coupleof weeks.

It’s the slow season at the driving school, and this time ofyear works out well. I’ll be home forThanksgiving, but I needed to vote absentee because I’ll be gone on ElectionDay. And, here in Ohio, I needed tocast my vote for Issue 2. As an electedmember of the Mahoning County Central Republican Committee, I can do noless. I’ll also be gone on Veteran’sDay, so I’ll watch war movies with my daughter.

I’m certain that I’ll have a grand time.

Why is it an adventure, you ask? I don’t care much for flying. Trains are too expensive. So,I’ll take the Greyhound, and leave the driving to them. I did this last year too. On all of those Internet Bitch Boards,people hammer Greyhound bus service, but I thought it was fun—Except for thepart where we were snowed in at Chicago for a couple of days, then also atDenver—No, actually, that was part of the adventure. Got to know lots of interesting people, some of whom I wouldn’tmind seeing again sometime.

If you ever decide to take the bus on a long trip, rememberthis—when you transfer busses, you have to take care of your own luggage.

So travel light.

A Bonus

2011-10-20T11:11:00.001-07:00

Just so there's no misunderstanding in the future--If you tailgate me, I'll slow down. To a crawl, if necessary. I don't do this to irritate you.....I consider that a bonus.

My Old Ford

2011-10-18T06:02:00.000-07:00

I bought a nearly new 1995 Ford Explorer in 1995. It’s been the most reliable, dependable carI’ve ever owned. Never gave me anycause to curse it. Bought it at HanselFord in Santa Rosa, California.

All I ever did to it was have the oil changed regularly, andgas it up on occasion. It’s got 180,000miles on it and has taken me from the mountains to the desert, from Californiato Ohio, and so very many stops in between.

It’s been running a little rough of late, and the A/C is onthe fritz, so I took it into a shop and found out (the details of the troublesare somewhat beyond me) that it’s finished. It’ll cost at least $2000.00 to get it back into shape, and it’s justnot worth that much. Even with the newtires I had put on it last year.

I guess getting 16 good trouble-free years out of a caris more than you can really expect, but I was beginning to think it would outlast me. I don’t think I’ll ever get anothercar/truck/SUV/crossover/whatever that will be as dependable and reliable, but youjust never know.

No Wonder

2011-10-11T08:42:00.000-07:00

I try to keep up. So I read that Moonbeam Brown, the once and current Guv'ner of California, has been busy signing bills into law. Always good for a comment or two.

Two of the bills that are now California law run something like this, and they were signed by Moonbeam on the same day:
1) Children as young as 12 can now be prescribed certain STD medicines without parental consent, and,
2) Children under the age of 18 are now prohibited from tanning in tanning beds.

Just so I have the concept straight, here's the apparent bottom line--If your 12 year old daughter is screwing everything that walks on two feet and shaves, it's none of your business, but if your 17 year old daughter wants to get tanned in a booth in preparation for the Senior Prom, the State of California will step in, act as a protective parent, and prohibit it.

As Ricky said to Lucy....."You gots some 'splaining to do".

No wonder I fled California like a scalded cat.

Fall Is Upon Us

2011-10-10T08:02:00.000-07:00

Overnight--literally--the Autumn colors have arrived. Beautiful time of year here.

Even in the Fall, the white cat does not change color.

Like the sign says, Welcome.

From our front porch.

The house, from the street.

Our entrance to Mill Creek Park--The dead end of Ottawa Drive.

Our gazebo in the front yard.

If I owned the Colorado Rockies………………

2011-10-09T07:23:00.001-07:00

If I owned that mile high franchise, the uniforms would haveflying squirrels on the chest.

There would be “Where Is Moose?” day instead of freerefrigerator magnet day.

Every time a home run was hit, the big TV screen would showDudley Do-Right galloping across the screen backwards.

We’d have a grand time with Fractured Fairy Tale Night atthe ballpark.

Everyone would come for a trip down memory lane in the WayBack Machine.

The team mascot would be accompanied on occasion by Borisand Natasha. And Mister Big.

Relief pitchers would warm up in the Bullwinkle Pen.

Everyone would tune in next time for Game 38, or, “HowWe Blew a 9 Run Lead in the 7^th Inning”.

Uniform numbers would always include a fraction.

The umpire would always be called Snidely Whiplash.

Been There

2011-10-09T05:57:00.000-07:00

I’ve been thinking that I really ought to write somethingabout the idiot protesters that form Occupy Wall Street, and all their progeny,including those morons who decided to occupy the DC Air & Space Museumbecause it had an exhibit of a Drone (let’s have a museum, but let’s changewhat’s in it to suit our “vision” of what the world ought to be like)—sort oflike editing Bogart movies to remove the cigarettes because they’re so, um,icky.

But I lived through the 60s as a military policeman,and the 70s as a civilian policeman, so I changed my mind.
Since I’ve been there and done that.

Unclear on the Concept, a Clear Winner

2011-10-09T03:58:00.001-07:00

I’m not certain that everything isn’t going to fallapart. In the sense that we’ll have tofend for ourselves for some period of time. You know what I mean. Don’t you?

Anyhow, I’m on Amazon.com and added to my basket a copy of “WhenAll Hell Breaks Loose: Stuff You Need To Survive When Disaster Strikes”. Don’t laugh. It’s the Boy Scout in me.

So I add the book. Then I notice that it’s also available in a Kindle Edition.

Hank Williams

2011-10-04T02:51:00.001-07:00

I’ve never been much of a Hank Williams Jr. fan. Sure, he had a couple of tunes that gave mehappy feet, but that was about it. Don’t get me wrong—I have no grief with his music, and I like lots ofCountry & Western—just not a big Hank fan, OK?

Not that much into the current NFL either. There was a time, but for me, that time ispast. The last time I actually lookedforward to and watched a Monday Night Football game, it was still on ABC. Actually, I don’t watch much ABC anymoreeither. Not that I’ve got anythingagainst ABC either…..The last time I actually remember tuning in to a MondayNight Football game, the hosts were Howard Cosell, Frank Gifford, and DandyDon. Now THAT was a broadcast team.

What brings up this remembrance is this:

ESPN now runs (or owns—whatever) Monday Night Football. Hank Williams has the signature tune forMonday Night Football—you know the one. It contains the phrase “Are you ready for some football?!!”. Yep, that one. It’s been part of Monday Night Football since the 1980’s, give ortake. So, if you like the NFL, andMonday Night Football, then you’re familiar with their signature tune.

Then, Hank Williams Jr., did the unthinkable and exercisedhis free speech rights. Right again—hecriticized Obama in public. Not just inpublic, but while being interviewed on Fox News. Oops.

ESPN, whose first sporting event broadcast in the 1970’s wasa professional slow-pitch softball game, dropped the hammer immediately. Hank and the signature song are gone.

Lesson learned—Free Speech and High Definition don’tmix.

A final note here—just because your name is ESPN, is doesn’tmean you’ve got ESP.

Incarceration

2011-09-29T09:27:00.000-07:00

I love watching the local news at Noon here in Youngstown, Ohio. Always good for current events and weather. Also, always good for a laugh.

Seems that this Sunday kicks off Stop The Violence Week, sponsored by a host of community groups and Youngstown State University. They're having a parade. I suppose there will be speechification and oration too. Hardly could be a community event without it.

Followed by a fist-fight and a stabbing. ONLY KIDDING!!

At the risk of repeating myself here, there's nothing wrong in Youngstown that can't be fixed quickly and permanently by a liberal dose of incarceration. A parade simply won't do it.

How To

2011-09-18T06:05:00.000-07:00

While I’ve written about the “How To” section of the MyGoogleInternet start page in the past, today’s offerings require a minor leaguecomment—

Here’s the three offered this morning, in order:

1) Happy 40^th Anniversary Greenpeace! How to get involved with Greenpeace

2) 9 (Yes, 9) Ways to Peel a Banana

3) How to Give Your Dog Eye Drops

And now, my immediate responses, in order:

1) 4 decades of word-smithing. How time flies.

2) A boon for the newlyweds.

3) WHA!?!

Killing The Blues

2011-09-16T17:12:00.000-07:00

When Robert B. Parker unexpectedly died at his desk in January 2010, I thought my days of reading about the Chief of Police of Paradise, Massachusetts, Jesse Stone, were gone.

I was wrong.

His long-time collaborator Michael Brandman is continuing the story. I bought the latest installment, Killing The Blues, and read it today. In one sitting. That's how it usually happens with Jesse Stone and me. I don't read the stories as much as inhale them.

Thanks for the breath, Mr. Brandman. I'm in your debt.

eu·re·ka [yoo-ree-kuh]

2011-09-11T09:37:00.000-07:00

I try to keep up. Ireally do.

I’ve been watching some programs on the channel previouslyknown as SciFi and enjoying the crap out of them—Eureka, Warehouse 13, andHaven. All three were far and away toogood for the train wreck that SyFy has become, or maybe always was.

So I Google around a little and find that Eureka has beencancelled—we have a season “in the can”, but then it’s over. Warehouse 13 and Haven can’t be far behind,I fear.

The reason given by the brain trust at SyFy is that it’sjust plain too expensive. OK. Fine. They have to pay writers and actors and creative types. Very costly.

I wish…..I wish…..I wish…..I wish that I had been presentwhen the decision was made to cancel Eureka—Had to go something like this:

“Eureka’s a great piece of programming and it has a massiveand dedicated audience, but, well, we can probably sell just as muchadvertising on another installment of Battlestar Galactica, something to dowith ghosts, or Rasslin’—Nobody will even notice.”

I noticed. I’llbet some others did too.

Canfield Fair Wrap-Up

2011-09-06T06:39:00.000-07:00

Our 5 day fair has run its course. There was heat and humidity that melted ice cream, shoe polish, and families, as well as thunderstorms that made mud pits out of the parking lots. There was harness racing and farm competitions and baked goods and country concerts and the list just goes on. A grand time was had by all. But mostly, for my money, there was the Pumpkin Building--the home of the largest squash at the fair. There was the sort of sunset that you can only find in North East Ohio. Mahoning County, Ohio, is the home of Youngstown, and all of it's "Rust Belt" baggage, but Mahoning County is, to the largest degree, farm land. You know, the corn is as high as an elephant's eye, and all that.

The Largest Squash

Sunset At The Fair

The Pumpkin Building

A Tower of Squash

We Have Our Priorities

The Beauty Queen (And A Squash)

Welcome

A Row of Squash

Checking the list of the Grand Champion Squash weights, you'll find that this year's Grand Champion was actually smaller than last years champ. Believe what you want, but I blame the Obama Administration. I figure that the champion squash was taxed a couple of hundred pounds.

North East Ohio

2011-09-05T06:36:00.000-07:00

The Canfield Fair is wrapping up today, but there’s a fewthings that really need to be explained about the fair—I took some pictures toillustrate this point: Some things thatseem, well, “funny” in other parts of the country are quite normal here. I give you Beaver Drive, and at the end ofit, at the grandstands, the Canfield Cock.

We also play a bean-bag game here called “Cornhole”,but that’s a story for another day.

Beaver Drive

Grandstand Entrance

Just Wait

2011-09-05T05:46:00.000-07:00

Last year at this time, I was excited--giddy, in fact--at theprospect of the Giants going to the post season. Had no idea, of course, that they might actually win the WorldSeries, but giddy nonetheless.

This year, I just want it to end. They’ve lost so many players (starting with Buster Posey to that assaultperpetrated by Scott Cousins) either for the season or substantial parts of theseason to injury that it’s amazing that they’re not in last place. If they don’t start to win a couple ofgames, though, they might actually be overtaken by the God forsaken Dodgers—Who,in a side note, look to be in the process of being bought by Chineseinterests. Christ.

So, the Giants need to end this year’s charade and let someminor leaguers take over for these last three weeks of being the defendingWorld Series Champs.

The eternal cry of the fans of the San Francisco Giants--Wait 'Til Next Year!!

The Canfield Fair

2011-09-03T19:46:00.000-07:00

This is the weekend for the Canfield Fair in, well, Canfield, Ohio. It's a pretty big deal in these parts. We attend ever year. There's a place to milk a cow, in the event that you've never done that sort of thing before, and we have an entire barn devoted to squash. No, really.

The website for the Canfield Fair is www.canfieldfair.com. As if you didn't know.

Glenda Milks A Cow

Our Tent At The Fair

Did I mention that I'm an elected member of the Mahoning County Republican Central Committee? No? I thought I had. Sorry .

Burma Shave

2011-09-03T09:19:00.001-07:00

He lit a match
To check gas tank
That's why
They call him
Skinless frank
Burma-Shave

Anti Obama Bumper Sticker Site

2011-09-01T19:51:00.000-07:00

And, it's worth taking a look at

www.bullhornbumpers.com

Burma Shave

2011-09-01T05:44:00.000-07:00

The monkey took
One look at Jim
And threw the peanuts
Back at him
He needed
Burma-Shave

Political Science, Chapter 3

2011-08-27T07:08:00.000-07:00

What one person receives without working for, another person must work for
without receiving.

Tax Freedom Day

2011-08-27T07:07:00.000-07:00

Tax Freedom Day (http://www.taxfoundation.org/taxfreedomday/) is the day when the average American has earned enough money to pay his federal, state, and local obligations for the year.

This year, 2011, that date was April 12th, the 102d day of the year.

Political Science, Chapter 2

2011-08-27T05:27:00.001-07:00

To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches.
Margaret Thatcher

Political Science, Chapter 1

2011-08-27T05:21:00.000-07:00

The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does
not first take from somebody else.

Ambulance Chasers

2011-08-25T10:20:00.001-07:00

We thought TV was going to hell back in the 60’s and 70’s—HeeHaw, Room 222, Gilligan’s Island, the Brady Bunch, Hullabaloo—and all the rest. We were wrong. Those were the Good Ol’ Days with quality programming and commercials that made sense—Buy some smokes and liquor. Those ads have been replaced by ambulance chasing lawyers and prescription drugs. Frankly, I preferred the smokes and liquor.

Then there’s the actual programming. Back in those Good Ol’ days, we had channels with numbers. Like this: Channel 2, Channel 3, Channel 4, and so on. Now we have channels with names. Like this: MTV (Music Television), History, Video Hits, Arts & Entertainment…..You get the picture. My guess here is that when these channels were named, the name of the channel was supposed to have something to do with the actual programming. But that’s only a guess. Because, here’s what I found available on my cable TV channels at noon, on Thursday, 8-25-2011:

-MTV was showing an episode of Jersey Shore—while I’ve never partaken, I understand that this is a program about the lives of amoral Eastern Seaboard 20-somethings sharing bodily fluids and fighting. Music, however, seems to be missing.

-MTV2 was showing an episode of Rob & Big (whoever or whatever they are) about their adventures in a haunted house—again, no music seems to be involved.

-The History Channel was showing an episode of UFO Hunters. The historical perspective, I imagine.

-The Science Fiction Channel (SYFY) had an episode of the Ghost Whisperer. Not science in my mind, just fiction.

-The Travel Channel offered an All You Can Eat spectacular. Maybe you have to travel to get to the spectacular.

-The TV Guide Channel had the 25 Biggest TV Blunders, Part 2—Wait a minute…..PART 2? No guide, just blunders, I suppose.

-QVC is a shopping channel and they make no bones about it. Honesty is the best policy and all that, but the program was the Joy of Christmas. Need I remind them that it’s August and school has not yet started?

-Chiller, that scare your pants off you channel, showed Beyond Belief, Fact or Fiction, hosted by Jonathan Frakes. Chilled I am not.

-Country Music TV had a movie—Steel Magnolias—but no music.

-History Channel International was discussing werewolves, National Geographic had Mixed Martial Arts, Discovery had something about building and racing motorcycles, and A&E—well, I was not entertained and there were no arts involved, and it just goes on and on.

So, I suggest that they all scrap the names they have given themselves, and revert to just numbers. It’ll be less irritating.

On some other day, we can get back to commercials that make sense, OK?

Food Stamp Fraud

2011-08-24T21:06:00.000-07:00

I read that the federal government is mortified to find out that food stamp recipients are buying bottled water with their food stamp benefits, then pouring out the water and returning the empties for cash in those states where the empties are worth something. The government plans to enact a new rule prohibiting the practice, then assign professional investigators to look into how to address this problem.

I get so tired of having to point out the obvious (actually, my step-son Cale has referred to me on occasion, as, ahem, Captain Obvious), but someone must take this proverbial bull by his horns.

Why are food stamp recipients allowed to purchase BOTTLED WATER with their benefits? This is money that comes out of my personal pocket. I drink tap water because bottled water is a waste of money. Welfare recipients can do the same. Problem solved.

You’re welcome.

Earthquake Run Down

2011-08-24T20:14:00.000-07:00

I may or may not have mentioned that I lived the lion's share of my life in California. You know, beaches, mountains, the Governator, Hollywood, Disneyland, earthquakes. I've been pretty close to a number of earthquakes. The first one that I recall really well occurred when I was in the 7th grade at Healdsburg Junior High. I was on the second floor in math class. Our desks were hooked together in groups of three or four by means of rails on the bottom. I sat at the beginning of one of the railed together groups, and at the rear end of my group was Ralph Pavoni, a notorious prankster whose father was the Fire Chief. Not that that has anything to do with what occurred, but, well, he WAS the Fire Chief's kid.....

There I was, working my 7th grade algebra when my desk started wobbling back and forth wildly--I immediately turned about and shot a look at Ralph, figuring that he was responsible for the long dark pencil mark that was made across my paper at the moment of the first upheaval. Ralph was white as a sheet, and I heard a cracking sound from above. So I looked up. I was always observant like that, you know. The overhead lights were swaying back and forth with abandon. They looked like they might fall at any moment. Someone said "earthquake", and Mr. Danhausen told us that we were going to get up and walk outside. Which we did. As I recall, Biasotti's market was closed for several days cleaning up the mess.

The point is, I know what an earthquake feels and looks like. I was around for the '89 Loma Prieta quake too.

A few years ago, we moved from the general craziness of California in favor of the general craziness of NorthEast Ohio. You know, Ohio State Buckeyes, the misery of rooting for the Cleveland Browns and Indians, lake Erie, tornado warnings (which we're under as as I write this).

Yesterday at a little before 2:00 PM, I was sitting at my desk on the second floor of my house. I felt the unmistakable rolling of an earthquake--lasted a paltry 30 or 40 seconds tops, but it was, well, unmistakable. I got up, went into our bedroom, and asked my bride if she had felt the earthquake that had just occurred. Her reply? Glad you asked. She replies "No, are you certain that you're not having a stroke?".....or words to that effect. So I turned on the news and was immediately vindicated. A 5.8 centered in Virginia. OK--5.8. Not the biggest I've been around. But pretty big for Virginia. Or Ohio.

That's the total story, except fort this post script: My friend Roy Wallis, who still lives in California, sends me this picture, and titles it "East Coast Earthquake Devastation".

Carnage

the SmugMobile

2011-08-21T14:29:00.000-07:00

When you drive a "green" car, you're entitled to park wherever you like. It's in your contract from Toyota.

Very Smug

The Mayans

2011-08-15T07:22:00.000-07:00

Dear World--
Stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars end there because some Spanish dirtbags invaded our country and we got a little busy, OK?

Sincerely,
The Mayans

Unicorns

2011-08-14T11:02:00.000-07:00

Dear Noah--
We could have sworn you said the Ark wasn't leaving until 5.

Sincerely,
The Unicorns

Hotmail and MSN

2011-08-07T07:00:00.000-07:00

I have a Hotmail account. I've had it for a very long time--since before Microsoft amoeba'd Hotmail. I don't use it for very much, but I stop by once in a while to empty my in-box and clean things up. When I exit my Hotmail account, I am automatically taken to an MSN site with, oh, celebrity junk and other stuff. A genuine crap-fest of idiocy that I usually pass on. Today I took a look at a feature they had called "Did They Forgive", a total of 17 wrongs in need of righting, in honor of, and I can just barely spit this one out--International Forgiveness Day. So I breezed through them, and here's the brief run-down:
-Number one was, of course, the ever newsworthy Brad Pitt/Jennifer Aniston thingie.
-There was one terrorist attack in need of forgiveness.
-One was a little girl who was bitten by a shark.

Then it gets interesting.....

-There were 4 instances of black people needing forgiveness from other blacks.
-5 on blacks in need of forgiveness from whites.
-A single report of a black gang of 8 who nearly murdered a white boy for his cell phone, but I had to dig deep to discover that the gang of 8 were black.
-Two politicians are in need of forgiveness for their mis-deeds. Mark Sanford and Arnold Schwarzenegger, both Republicans.

MSN apparently has an agenda, and it's overt. That's OK by me I suppose.

Spot The Cat

2011-08-03T08:58:00.000-07:00

Spot The Cat entered my life from the Sonoma County California Humane Society on January 12th, 1999. She was my buddy and my companion through every move I made. She moved with me from house to house in Santa Rosa, California, and on to Bakersfield, California. Later to Youngstown, Ohio.

For the past year or so, her eyesight has been failing and she had been getting frail. She chose to live in the basement where I made a daily visit to clean her litter box, open a can of food for her, change her water dish, and give her a pat on the head and a scratch on the back. She was always ever so polite, mewing a gentle greeting every morning.

This morning, there was no greeting, and the litter box was unused. Her food dish was not touched.

I found her lifeless body in a corner of the basement, curled up, asleep for eternity. She was a good cat.

I have other cats, but here will never be another Spot The Cat.

Spot The Cat

I Dreamed I Was Dog The Bounty Hunter In My Mullet Wig

2011-07-31T07:25:00.000-07:00

Oh, For Christ's Sake--I Did Not

I Dreamed I Won The Regatta In My Clubmasters

2011-07-31T07:19:00.000-07:00

Clubmasters

Nizoral

2011-07-30T17:42:00.000-07:00

My wife suffers from itchy scalp. And flakieness—no, not that kind…..the kind that a good dandruff shampoo will cure.

So the doctor recommended Nizoral shampoo. Thanks, Doc. I’ll bop on down to the apothecary and pick a little bit of this stuff up. But, when I arrived at the pharmacy, the place for Nizoral was empty. There was a tag indicating where the product ought to be, but no product. Sort of pricy for a dandruff shampoo (10 bucks or so for a small bottle), but, if it works, you know……..

So I asked a question of my local pharmacist—“Got any Nizoral in the back?” Nope. Haven’t been able to get it delivered for weeks now. So I went to another pharmacy. Same Story. And another. And another.

Came on home, and checked on line—I use drugstore.com, and checked there first—nope, out of stock. Checked ebay.com, and there were some bottles of 4 and 7 ounces for sale for, oh, 25 or 35 bucks, plus shipping, and the added discomfort of buying a medicated product from an amateur. Found a European seller who wanted 9 dollars plus shipping for a 1 ounce bottle. Googled Nizoral and found 7 ounce bottles for up to 52 dollars American.

So I Googled “nizoral shortage”, and discovered the following: Nobody in America has it on the shelf. Nobody in America can get it delivered. The support groups and forums and such seem to speculate that the company who makes Nizoral has changed their location, or formulation, or packaging, or something and are having trouble getting approval to sell their product. Don’t know if I buy any of that claptrap, but that’s the rampant speculation.

At Nizoral.com. there’s no indication of any shortage. And, they have a customer service number listed as 1-800-962-5357. Their hours are listed as Monday-Friday, 8 AM to 8PM, Eastern Standard. This being Saturday I didn’t even try to call, but I’ll try on Monday, somewhere around 8 AM Eastern Standard. Upon that you may rely.

Me? I bought the last 4 ounce bottle of the stuff that was available on Amazon.com for $35.00. The guy who charged that usurious amount ought to be ashamed. I know for a fact his mother would be.

Bring Back Some Sanity

2011-07-30T17:09:00.000-07:00

I know that styles, and popular music, run in cycles, but.....

Has everybody just about had enough of the shaved head/goatee/tattoos look?

I'd welcome a return of the 70s and 80s big hair at this point.

The All-American Dog

2011-07-30T10:02:00.000-07:00

Lil

The Reason

2011-07-28T08:24:00.001-07:00

Every time a baseball player grabs his crotch, it makes him spit. That's
why you should never date a baseball player.

?

2011-07-28T08:22:00.001-07:00

What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?

This Can Work

2011-07-24T06:38:00.000-07:00

I'm convinced that there's no societal problem that we cannot incarcerate our way out of. Lets just take whatever money we're spending on “programs” for our inner city youth and use those funds to build some prisons.

Many cities, towns and villages have been overtaken by a gangster mentality. This would, of course, include my town, Youngstown, Ohio. People who shoplift from retail stores openly and teach their children to do the same. It's a lawlessness that can no longer be tolerated by polite society.

I'm talking about what we might call quality of life issues here—you know, hat on sideways, pants on the ground, hookers openly plying their trades, XXX movie theaters in neighborhoods, drug dealers in parking lots, and other bad behaviors.

We'll have to have the will to do this—In times past, society built stocks in the public square and put their miscreants in them to be held to public ridicule. While that might still work, what I'm talking about is locking up the criminal element for extended periods of time. Making it miserable enough so that those who are left in town will think twice about their attitude, threats, and crimes.

These prisons need to be staffed with prison guards—not “correctional officers”—You have no idea how little I care about “correcting” the thugs. I just want them housed for extended periods of time.

So, we get this part of it done, and decent people will be able to go back to downtown city parks without armed guards—Nobody will have to explain to their children the finer points of prostitution and narcotics.

This can work. We can incarcerate our way out of this mess.

Alphas Revisited

2011-07-22T10:27:00.000-07:00

Here's my little run-down on the new SyFy smash hit (!), Alphas:

But first, these few words—No entity less than SyFy itself has called Alphas a New Smash Hit. The same verbiage they've bestowed in the past for such dreck as Stargate Universe and Ghost Hunters International. Not saying that Alphas is in that strata, but SyFy’s self-aggrandizement must be taken not quite literally.

And now, back to the meat of the matter:

SyFy seems to have “borrowed” ideas and attitudes from the Fantastic 4, the Power Rangers, CSI, The Man From Uncle, Mission Impossible, the Jedi Knights, the X-Files, Kolchak the Night Stalker, and the Mod Squad. Not a bad group to borrow from. Grasshopper, you have chosen wisely.

Diversity’s not an issue here—we have a strong black man, an undefined ethnic female, a white guy stud with a possible checkered background, an autistic (or at least OCD) boy, and a bearded professorial white guy in charge. Maybe they can work in an Asian and some gay, lesbian, and trans gendered folks later.

Not that any of this is particularly bad. The pilot was entertaining, and I’ll watch again when the opportunity arises—in the pilot, about the only issue that wasn't fully explored was spoon bending, but I'm certain that will come up later—

All in all, it's OK.

Is It Just Me?

2011-07-22T10:11:00.001-07:00

Am I the only one who sees Geraldo Rivera as a pompous jerk?

Consider This

2011-07-21T05:17:00.000-07:00

One American Dollar is less valuable than one Australian Dollar.

By almost 10 %.

All The News That's Fit To Print

2011-07-20T05:33:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to watch the news lately. I usually go to Fox News first, then, if necessary, check in on CNN and then, once in a great while, see what the whiners at MSNBC are up to. Like I said, I've been trying to get some news.

But just haven't managed to get any.

The three news organizations I mentioned have been showing pretty much non-stop coverage of some Parliament hearings in the UK regarding some unscrupulous actions on the part of news gatherers. Quite the uproar. Parliamentary hearings. Harrumph and Oh, My!!

The best that I can make out based on very brief viewing is that some folks employed in the business of “scooping” the competition used underhanded, ill-mannered, and possibly immoral and illegal tactics to get news stories published before their competitors managed to do the same.

Well, spit. Who would have thought that reporters would lie, cheat, and use awful tactics?

This isn't news. If you think it is, or if you're shocked and dismayed at the prospect, then you lead a very sheltered life. I put this in the same category as a news anchor interviewing a reporter, or watching a movie about putting on a Broadway show—The point is, it's news to the news people because it's about the news business.

Nobody else cares. At all. In the least. And, it's not even entertaining.

On the other hand, it's comforting to know that the UK Parliament is just as capable as the US Congress of wasting time and money on utter nonsense.

But that's not news either.

The Knave of Knives

2011-07-19T05:55:00.000-07:00

Anyone who gets nutted up over the very mention of Wal Mart or Sam’s Club need read this entry no further. I’m a fan. On the other hand, if you just need a little therapy to get through the double glass doors and be greeted by a local senior citizen who otherwise wouldn't have a job, then read on.

Every time I find that I have need for a 55 gallon drum of mayo, or the handy 12 and a half pound pack of hot dogs, where do I go? Sam’s Club, of course. In Boardman, Ohio. It's also where I buy gasoline most of the time.

The last few times that I've gone to Sam’s Club, though, there's been a droning amplified voice coming from somewhere between the produce and the beer. I looked in it's direction in the past but elected to ignore what couldn’t possibly be true. Last time in, I took a good hard look. And here's the horror that I found: A County Fair style pitch man with a head set and amplifier to enhance his voice selling knives.

I shit you not.

I couldn't believe it either.

Surrounding the pitch man on his platform, performing a variety show of magic with these specific knives, were 15 or 20 of my fellow citizens, in rapt attention. Slack-jawed, 100 meter stare, perhaps not knowing where in time and space they currently resided. Drooling like Homer Simpson eyeing a donut.

They NEEDED those knives.

Maybe it's because we're between county fairs right now—the Trumbull County Fair has run it’s course, and the Canfield Fair has yet to begin. Maybe he's a phantom pitch man, forever in search of a mid-way.

Next week I expect it'll be snake oil.

Maybelline, Or Was It Cover Girl?

2011-07-17T16:13:00.000-07:00

I catch my Giants baseball games on mlb.com. Pretty good deal for a displaced fan such as myself--if it weren't for the Internet, I'd have to keep up with the Giants by buying a newspaper--How 20th Century.

Sometimes I watch the games and sometimes I just listen to them by listening to the radio broadcast--I've always considered that baseball is more of a radio game than a television game anyhow. My favorite baseball calls from the past are--of course--radio calls. My favorite Giants broadcasters have been the radio crews too. Not the current Giants TV crew isn't outstanding........

Between innings, regardless of whether it's the radio broadcast or the television version, mlb.com inserts their own commercials rather than the ones you'd hear or see were you on the home turf. It's OK by me, except for this one thing.....They seem to have a great number of cosmetic ads.

Do they know something about their target audience that I don't?

Files

2011-07-16T16:37:00.001-07:00

I’ve got this idea for a TV series—I tell ya’, it can’t miss—gonna be a smash.

A pair of undercover agents (Wolf Muldoon and “Drano” Skullduggery) are assigned to investigate the strange happenings in a South Sea island jungle. It’ll be called…..

…..Wait for it…..

The Manila Files

The Investigative Findings

2011-07-16T13:42:00.000-07:00

Last year, Time Warner Cable started offering "on demand" programming--in other words, if I miss one of my MOST favorite shows (like Eureka, Haven, or Warehouse 13 on SyFy), I could go to the on demand channel and watch it later. How cool is that? But, it got better. The commercials were bunched up in one or two commercial breaks, and they weren't very long. So, I could fast-forward through the ads, or I could watch them--either way, I got to see my one hour program in about 40 or 45 minutes.

Nirvana.

I actually chose to watch them on demand rather than when they were first run, just to conserve time. Oh, and not get too irritated with the massive commercial breaks.

Look.....I understand the concept of commercial TV. I really do. The programming is secondary, and only needs to be good enough to keep the audience in their chairs to watch the next batch of ads. I really understand. Not only that, I agree with the concept--it's a bargain struck between myself and NBC--I'll watch their idiotic commercials in exchange for a bit of free programming. LISTEN UP NBC-----I AGREE!! OK???

But please keep it reasonable.

So, I work most evenings and now, in order to see the previously mentioned three SyFy programs, I'm obligated to watch them on demand. For the uninitiated, SyFy is a wholly owned NBC product--like USA and a host of other cable channels. That's why I'm yelling at NBC on account of SyFy programming, OK?

So, I watched Eureka and Warehouse 13 on demand, and it seemed like the commercials breaks were rather massive and frequent--I fast-forwarded through them as best I could, but, well, it was torture. This afternoon I had a free hour and decided to catch the season opener of Haven. The commercial breaks seemed, well, massive and frequent. Like pee breaks at a beer bar, you know? So about half way through, I quit fast forwarding through the commercial breaks and started timing things. I'm a detective, and this is what I do. I detect.

Here's the unscientific, but accurately timed break-down:
-5 minutes of Haven programming, followed by
-4 minutes of commercials including 6 product ads and 2 ads for upcoming SyFy programs, followed by
-6 minutes of Haven programming, followed by
-4 minutes of commercials, including 5 product ads and 5 ads for upcoming SyFy programs, followed by
-5 minutes of Haven programming, followed by
-3 minutes of commercials, including 4 product ads and 5 ads for upcoming SyFy programs, followed by
-5 minutes of Haven programming, including the ending credits.

That's a total of 21 minutes of Haven, and 11 total commercial minutes--Of course, that started with 5 minutes of Haven, and ended with 5 minutes of Haven--If I would have started five minutes earlier, the totals would most likely be more like 21 Haven minutes and 16 commercial minutes.

It was better last year--Really.

All I Got

2011-07-16T05:50:00.000-07:00

All I have today is a bunch of good baseball news, and here it is, point by point:
-The Giants continue to win, one way or the other, and remain in first place in their division
-The Indians continue to win, one way or the other, and remain in first place in their division
-The Pirates, bless their hearts, are tied for their division lead
-The Marlins are dead last in their division
-And, saving the best for last, Scott Cousins is still on the disabled list and is no longer on the Marlin's active roster. Whatever it is that placed him on the DL, I hope it's painful and permanent.

Gee Whiz, Washington Style

2011-07-13T09:59:00.000-07:00

Saw President Obama on the TeeVee last night threatening that social security checks might be delayed or withheld in August if he doesn't get the debt-ceiling raise deal that he wants.

Fargin’ cry baby, fear-mongering, over-educated ass-hole.

Man will I be glad when his days as president are done.

Ass Hole.

Burma Shave

2011-07-12T10:49:00.001-07:00

These signs
We gladly
Dedicate
To men who've had
No date of late
Burma-Shave

Old Guys

2011-07-12T10:47:00.000-07:00

The concept of these shortened seasons of TV programming started me thinking—always a dangerous proposition.

The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriett, I Love Lucy, Bonanza, The X-Files—These iconic TV series’ became American experiences because, well, they were popular, but more than that, they were ALWAYS on. They ran from September through June—then, during the summer months, there were re-runs of some of the episodes until the new season started the following September.

You could depend on Ozzie bumbling his way through his life in your living room a half hour every week. It was a given. He and his family became part of your life.

That just can't happen now, if a season of TV programming lasts only from July to September.

Do all old guys wish that things were like they used to be?

Politicians

2011-07-12T10:46:00.000-07:00

I've never been much of a "question authority" sort, but that's probably changing now....As James Lileks said, dissent is still the highest form of patriotism, but now it will be practiced by the lowest form of people.

At the end of the movie "Animal House" we see John Belushi in a pirate costume, driving away in a stolen convertible with a kidnapped cheerleader and, as the scene freezes, the caption "Senator and Mrs. Bluto Blutarsky, Washington D.C." appears, and we all laughed and laughed.............And then there was Senator Al Franken of Minnesota. Why am I not laughing?

Bad Law

2011-07-11T05:51:00.000-07:00

Bad law results when tragic circumstances cause legislators and citizens to make knee-jerk changes in the law when feelings are still raw.

Megan Kanka was killed by a neighborhood sex offender in New Jersey. Tragic. We now have "Megan's Law" everywhere, creating public sex registries. Are our children safer in the aftermath of this law? Everything I read indicates otherwise.

Maggie's Law is a New Jersey statute passed in the wake of the 1997 traffic fatality of Maggie McDonnell due to a sleep-deprived driver. Results? It's now a 10 year felony to drive drowsy in New Jersey.

California's three strike law was passed in the panic filled days after Polly Klass's murder. Another tragic crime. Is California safer from violent criminals now that prior to the passage of this ill-thought out law, or is California just incarcerating massive numbers of non-violent felons? Everything I've read indicates the latter.

In the aftermath of the recent tragedy in Florida, I implore state and federal legislators to REALLY think through the consequences (intended and otherwise) of passing some sort of "Caylee's Law" that would require parents to report the accidental death of a child to the police within an hour, and a missing child within a day.

Please think this through. It's just not a good idea.

Baseball All-Stars

2011-07-10T19:41:00.000-07:00

Baseball All-Stars should never be chosen by popular ballot like they now are. They should be chosen by their peers and opposing coaches and managers. Want a single reason why? OK, since you ask.

The San Francisco Giants won the World Series last year. This year they're in first place in their division, and, oh by the way, are the defending World Series Champions.

They have zero starting position players on the All-Star Team. Same as last year.

End this madness. End the popular vote for starting All-Stars.

Television Drivel

2011-07-08T18:57:00.001-07:00

I miss the best of some TV programs that either ran their natural course, or out-lived their cuteness.

For example:

That 70’s Show—Very fun and worthwhile until the Eric character left. After that, well….they just should have let it go. But it was really fun up until that point.

Happy Days. And it’s spawn, Joanie Loves Chachi. Ick. The only story line that wasn’t driven into the ground on Happy Days was having Fonzie learn the pan flute from Zamfir and regaling the rest of the cast with whatever it is that passes for pan flute music. Lastly, when Happy Days moved from the 50s to the 80s…….However, the first few years were a real hoot.

M.A.S.H. Great book, and a really funny movie. Good enough as a TV show until Trapper John went on to bigger and better things and was replaced by BJ Hunnicutt. That would be at about the same time that Alan Alda got a social conscience and went overboard with political awareness and anti-war sentiment, or something. Horrible. But, it was fun up until then…..

Bonanza. They went to a 90 minute format at some point if I recall correctly, and that’s just too much Bonanza. Even Hoss can’t fill the screen that well.

The Love Boat was iconic until it became hackneyed. Still like the theme song, though.

I Love Lucy. Nothing wrong there, I just miss Fred and Ethyl and Ricky and Lucy.

Fantasy Island with Roarke and Tattoo. What a fun waste of an hour a week. Just like The Love Boat, you get to see all of your favorite celebrities in a real plot rather than in handcuffs or in the Enquirer.